I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
