Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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