Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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