I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize