the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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