ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
