I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
