yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
