just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
