I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize