So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
