I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
