Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
