Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
