we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
