try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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