I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
