i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
