i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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