capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
