btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
