3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
