What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
