I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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