Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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