yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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