not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
