he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
