Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
