worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
