I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
