Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
