Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
