Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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