I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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