So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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