Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
