I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
