Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
