I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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