If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
