i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i think i just lost a toe
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
