the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
