this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
