Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
