I just cut my nipple shaving
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
