I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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