do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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