Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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