It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
