so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need water and some morals
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
