ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
