Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize