So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
