Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize