Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
