please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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