I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
