she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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