Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
