what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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