i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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