im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
