oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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