my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize