I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
