when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
