You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
