You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize