My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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