I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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